So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's just like the Real World with babies
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
