I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
