i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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