Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my sisters under your porch take her home
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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