she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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