forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
