ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
