I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
