He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
