I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
