If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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