I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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