im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
