I just pynch a tree in the face
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
