but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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