sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
