We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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