omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
