she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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