All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I want a musical about memes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
