the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
