I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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