doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
