doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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