Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
