I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize