I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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