youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
