if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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