absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
