I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
