I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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