Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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