Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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