so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
