I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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