so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
