She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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