She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
