i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dicks are not precious.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
