I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
