Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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