I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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