she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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