Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
