The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
