Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
