K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
