The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
