it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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