he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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