and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
