my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
