it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
