home. puking in laundry basket.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
