He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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