If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
