I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
