sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
