Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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