It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize