The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
