Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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