It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
