Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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