Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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