i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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