he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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